Lots of stuff can happen in 10 days

Sometimes I wish I wasn't such an idiot and updated this thing on a more frequent basis.  Other times I'm too busy drinking homemade wine with old Greek men in a hotel basement or exploring the ins and outs of the Colloseum to pay much attention to that.  Anyways, I'm sorry for the delay.  I'll try to make it up to you by telling you some moderately cool stuff.

Last we spoke, Santorini and I were just ending our torrid love affair.  We laughed, we cried, we got gyro grease on each other's pants.  Then I decided that things were moving too fast and I had to shuffle off to Paros, another idyllic spot in the Cyclades island group.  After a nice 4 hour ferry ride, I disembarked and was getting my bearings when a friendly looking gentleman approached.  He worked for a local hotel and was trying to drum up business from the tourists who just arrived.  I told him I already had a place but wasnt sure where it was.  So after he gave me directions he extended an invite to a welcome dinner at his hotel later that night that he would be hosting for all the guests.  I generally like dinner, so I accepted.  So around 8:30, I arrived at the address he had given expecting to see a raucous crowd eating finger foods and swigging cocktails.  Instead I saw a deserted dining area, a bar manned by an exhausted looking Indian guy and a random teenage kid Skyping with someone in the corner.  Then Andros (friendly guy who invited me to this rager) appeared, shoved a glass of wine in my hand and assured me that more people would be there shortly.  So as he retired to the kitchen to finish dinner preparations, I sipped my wine in front of a huge screen TV that was airing the infomercial for the Magic Bullet blender dubbed in Greek.  I love that infomercial so much that I forgot for a few minutes how I might potentially be in a sketchy situation.  But just as the white trash neighbor lady with the cigarette hanging out of her mouth makes her first appearance onscreen (a.k.a. the climax of the entire infomercial), the door swung open and in walked 3 gals who looked to be about the same age as me.  I had no idea who they were or what their deal was, but I immediately felt much better about the state of affairs.  Luckily, my intuition about them proved to be correct and as the night wore on, we were yuckin it up and making plans for the next day and rolling eyes at one another whenever Andros and his old man friends would make gross old man remarks.  All in good fun, I assure you.  Nothing crossing the line or making anyone feel uncomfortable in the slightest.  Just a fun, random gathering with good wine, good food and good company.  First night in Paros was a definite success.

Next day the Belgians (the 3 girls were Belgian, which I dont think I mentioned.  Waffles.  Beer.  You're all caught up now) and I rented a car and explored the entire perimeter of the island.  Not quite tourist season yet so most spots were kind of deserted but we still discovered some cool spots and had a successful day of adventure.  After another family dinner at the hotel prepared by Andros and enjoyed by another random assortment of Paros' finest, I headed back to my hotel and got ready to ship it back to the mainland the next morning.

Thought I had a full day of exploration in Athens but I mixed up the time on my flight to Rome and really only had about 2 hours of walking around time.  So basically I know nothing worthwhile to tell you about Athens other than that the people on the local bus were really pissed about the size of my backpack and how much space it took up.  So that's a good takeaway.  Ok here's a couple pictures of stuff:

These are my new Belgian buddies who explored Paros with me.  Although I could have made that up and this might just be three random strangers that I was walking behind.  Who's to say, really?

Got to Athens after the Acropolis closed and left the next morning before it opened.  So this picture just proves that I was kinda close to a really famous place.

So after bidding Greece the fondest of farewells, I hopped a flight to Roma.  I did little to no research for the Italy portion of my journey so I mostly found everything in a crazy and fortuitious series of accidents.  Its actually not that hard to find important things if you just take note of where the huge throngs of people are gathering.  That's another insider tip for you.  These are just little things that you pick up as you go.  No big deal.  Anyways, I spent 2 days in Rome walking around to lots of places whose historical significance was so immense that my pea brain had a hard time comprehending it right away.  Whenever that happens, it's always a good idea to eat something.  I sought comfort in carbs and sugar as my diet in Italy consisted almost exclusively of pizza, paninis and gelato.  It was glorious.  Rome looked like this:

The interior of the Colosseum.  The Ancient Romans were pretty good at building stuff.

The lady who took this picture for me was not friendly at all.  In other news, after I looked up the Colosseum on Wikipedia I learned that they allowed Nickelback to film a music video here in 2009.  I mention this only because I hate Nickelback and this gives me an opportunity to share that with you.

The Arch of Constantine.  It was erected in 315.  I was born in 1983.

Look at the buns on that one!  He must work out.

The Pantheon.   Rotundas and porticos and oculi, oh my!

This car was approximately 3 feet in length.  Rollin on dubs.

Jermaine Jackson is huge in Italy.  And by that I mean you can buy one of his really obscure/terrible albums at a sketchy little sidewalk stand for 5 Euros. 

 

St. Peter's Basilica in the Vatican City.  The wait to get inside was approximately 4 hours.  The ants in my pants made this an impossibility. 

That's just a priest reading the Bible at a fountain right outside the entrance to St. Peter's.  Pretty standard really. 



Trevi Fountain a.k.a. the most crowded spot in Rome



Fighting crime in Rome is really exhausting.

After getting my fill of Rome, I hopped on a train and made my way to the beautiful hamlet of Florence.  You know when people describe cities as "romantic" and you immediately wish they would shut up and stop being such a d-bag?  Well after cruising around Florence for 2 days, I think I might have to give those jerkwad romantic labelers a bit of a break because I kinda get what they're saying.  I'm not ready to join their ranks, but I will say that Florence has a very dreamlike aura to it that was very easy to get swept up in.  The quaint cobblestone streets, the soft glowing steetlights, the candle lit cafes, the relaxed pace of life that quietly nudges you and suggests a nice lazy stroll to the plaza/park/market/riverwalk.  Oh hell, for lack of a better term the place is romantic.  Here's a few pictures of all of that and some other stuff too:

Pizza is always a good idea

If I said that David is the antithesis of Ron Jeremy in every way, shape and form, would that make sense to you?     

Doumo Arigato, Mr. Roboto

This picture is dedicated to Mr. Joe McGuigan and his impeccable eye for art.  His favorite statue in Florence is now my favorite statue in Florence.  I never knew how amazing a fat naked guy perched on a turtle could be until I saw this beauty.

Florence is pretty

View of the Ponte Vecchio spanning the Arno River from the Piazzale Michelangelo.  Say that 3 times fast and then reward yourself with a gelato.

Night falls on the Piazza della Repubblica.  How romantical!

Dave Walton, this is for you and your steadfast devotion to fatty Italian meats. 

Chas Huckestein, this is for you and your steadfast devotion to sickeningly sweet treats and beverages.

I've always said that life would be much easier if all stores would just put the paper clips and children's socks right next to the men's underwear.  

After leaving Florence, I took a train to Bologna and then spent the night at the Bologna airport.  It was cold and I only got a couple hours of sleep but I didn't really care because I was on my way to Croatia, the hidden gem of the Adriatic Sea and the spot where I would be reunited with the Merry Band of Idiots a.k.a. my family. The level of excitement and anticipation I had would be comparable to the way I used to get on Christmas Eve between the ages of 4 and 7.  So my first two days in Croatia were more or less exercises in killing time, which is basically my professional occupation at this point so no big deal.  Then Thursday rolled around and the long awaited reunion finally played out in room 311 of the Bellevue Hotel in beautiful Dubrovnik, Croatia.  So after we all exchanged hugs and kisses and I made fun of my dad for his outfit, it was basically like no time had passed at all.  Since then we've been taking in the sights and sounds of Dubrovnik.  That's looked something like this:

View from the hotel room balcony.  So gross.  Excuse me while I go puke.



This is my mom.  She wears that band in her hair for awhile before she heads out in public as a way to depoof-ify her hair or something.  She's hilarious like that pretty much all the time.



American Gothic, version 2.0

Dubrovnik a.k.a. the Jewel of the Adriatic

View of the Old City of Dubrovnik from the giant wall that encircles the entire area. It's hard to tell now because of the amazing rebuilding process, but a good deal of the Old City was destroyed in 1991 when the Serbs attacked and bombed Dubrovnik and the surrounding area.  Quite a remarkable recovery effort.

Aerial view of the Old City.  It's mostly incredibly awesome.

Croatians are always airing their dirty laundry



Reunited and it feels so good!



I bet you didn't know this but my dad packed the perfect amount of clothes for this trip.  Or so he keeps telling me.  Right after he says, "Now I'm on vacation so I don't want to talk politics, but have you seen the latest on Ron Paul?"

Mom demonstrating some classic adventuring moves

Randy, we might be able to Photoshop you in this later so you can pretend you were present for what will most likely be the highlight of the trip.

So basically life continues to be pretty awesome all the time.  We travel to Split tomorrow to meet up with brother Andy and then the bike tour begins on Monday.  Hopefully that one spin class I did 4 months ago has prepared me for what's ahead... 

Happy Easter to all and to all a good night!

I see London, I don't see France, I see Greece's underpants

Coming to you live from the economy deck of the Blue Star Paros, a big hulking ferry that is transporting me from one beautiful Greek island (Santorini) to another beautiful Greek island (Paros).  In case I haven't mentioned this recently, life is really tough.  Ok I have a great many things to recap I guess.  So make sure you're sitting in a chair with good lumbar support because if you care to relive the past 10 days of the world domination tour with me, it'll probably take awhile.  And away we go....

Let's start by discussing how much fun I had traveling from Asia to Europe (Bangkok to Mumbai to London).  Things started well enough as I met a couple of American kids while I was waiting to check into my flight in Bangkok.  One kid was from Colorado and just bought a one-way ticket to Thailand and didn't realize that there was a visa restriction on how long he could be there so he was escaping to India on his last day of eligibility.  The other kid was from upstate New York and was in Thailand to work on his application for music school, in which he had to write a paper discussing what five albums he would take with him if he knew he was going to be stranded on a deserted island.  In a tremendous show of dedication (or total bullshit), he decided to kayak to a remote island in the south of Thailand for a couple of days to be inspired.  Unfortunately this was about the same time that the big rain storms rolled into that region so he actually did end up being stranded on a deserted island.  It took 3 days before a random water taxi came by and rescued him.  I'd like to believe that this story actually happened, but immediately after completing that tale he launched into another one about how he had been chased off of a government-controlled marijuana field by a group of guards armed with AK-47s while he was motorbiking through the countryside of Vietnam.  So he's either a total idiot or a total liar.  Either way, it was entertaining.

Ok, so after I checked in, I made my way to the gate and proceeded to listen to about a dozen different messages explaining how our plane was going to be there shortly and just be patient and blah blah blah.  We finally boarded about an hour and a half later than scheduled.  That wasn't a big deal except for the fact that it caused a bit of a rush when we landed in Mumbai four hours later and I had to hurry to make the connection to London.  This was further complicated by the fact that the process of making a connecting flight at the Mumbai airport is quite possibly the most unorganized thing I've ever seen.  You're basically herded into a big holding pen with tons of other people and approximately two airport employees checking boarding passes and passports.   So everyone is pushing and shoving and jockeying for position.  Once you get through that you're rewarded by standing in another line to go through security.  Again, this is just a huge cluster of humanity trying to squeeze their way through 3 security stations.  Add a system malfunction in which the security belts stopped running for about 5 minutes and you basically have a hell on earth kind of scenario.  Kids crying, moms yelling, old men screaming in foreign languages, and a total lack of direction from those in charge.  I still don't really know what the hell was going on, but I stuck close to a nice Thai girl who had been through the process before and somehow managed to make it to the gate in time.  Before we could board, we had to show our passports to one more set of security officials who were doing their best 'bad cop' impressions.  I watched my Thai friend go before me and get absolutely grilled on why she was going to London, where she was staying, what the nature of her trip was, what her job back in Thailand was, etc.  I got slightly nervous as I hadn't really anticipated this interrogation.  But all of the worrying was in vain because when it was my turn, the guy just looked at the outside of my passport, smiled and waved me through.  In the immortal words of Team America: World Police, "America, f*** yeah!" (with apologies to my grandmothers....rest assured that I just recently learned what this word even means and I'm only using it to try to impress my friends).

In a nice twist, the middle seat of the row I was sitting in was vacant.  The aisle seat was filled by a nice old Indian woman with at least 40 different tattoos on her arms.  The language barrier between us was rather large, so we just stuck to charades.  When we were served our meal and she needed help opeing the instant creamer packet to add to her tea, she made a bunch of hand gestures and shoved the packet into my hands.  So that became our bonding experience.  I was somewhat of a packet opening expert by the end of the flight as she tested me with creamer, sugar, ketchup, salt, pepper, oil and vinegar dressing and mayonnaise.  The dressing gave me fits, but I think she was happy with my performance overall.  She showed her appreciation by setting up a little bed that extended from her seat to the middle seat, with her bare feet situated dangerously close to my forearm.  So that was really great.  Air India seats are pretty much terrible so I only managed about an hour of sleep, which was a bit of a bummer.  Spent the other 9 hours watching a couple of American movies ("When Harry Met Sally" and "Tangled") and a ridiculously hilarious Bollywood movie called "Robot" about a scientist who invents a robot who is so life-like that the develops human emotions and proceeds to fall in love with the scientist's girlfriend.  The sleep deprivation my have been clouding my judgment a bit, but I found it to be one of the most hilarious movies I've ever seen.  So be sure to put it on your list.

Then it was 7:00 am and magically we were in touching down in London.  One of the great things about traveling is that it brings you back into contact with long lost pals.  A couple of weeks ago I got an e-mail from my old high school buddy and former neighbor Nikki, who now lives and works in London.  Through the power of social networking she had heard that I was making my way around the world and told me that if I was ever passing through that I could crash at her flat.  Glorious offers such as this don't come around every day, so I probably accepted way too quickly and totally freaked her out...but she agreed nonetheless.  So after I landed at Heathrow, I hopped on the infamous London Underground and made my way to the Westminster side of town where Nikki lives.  And after a solid 20 hours of traveling, I had finally reached my destination.  Party time!  Nikki has a big girl job at a law firm so she was doing the work thing when I arrived.  Instead of being smart and taking a nap, I decided to go for a run so I could stretch the old legs and get a little fresh air.  As luck would have it, I brought unseasonably nice weather with me from Thailand.  Clear blue skies, a light breeze and brilliant sunshine graced the day and made me wonder why Londoners bitch so much about the weather.  I jogged around with no real idea as to where I was or where I was going, so it came as quite the surprise when I rounded a random corner and was greeted by a massive mob of tourists all craning their necks and standing on their tip toes to see something in the distance.  So I turned around to follow suit, and oh hey, I'm witnessing the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace.  No big deal.

At around 6:00 that evening, Nikki won the "First Familiar Face I Have Seen in Almost 3 Months" award.  It's a highly coveted prize so the only course of action we had at that point was to go to a local pub and celebrate with her buddy Andrew.  We had a grand old time.  I had an absolute blast reminiscing about the past and catching up on the present.  She's got a nice little life there in London and it was nice to catch a brief glimpse of it.  So after one too many pints, we made our way back to her place and cursed our North Allegheny educations for not arming us with the knowledge of how to properly open a futon.  But at that point, I was so tired that I would have slept on a park bench, so an unopened futon was luxury accomodation at that point.  Spent the next day walking around London on yet another beautiful spring day taking in the historical sights and sounds.  Ok, I'm sick of typing and you're probably sick of reading, so it's picture time!

Ok this set of pictures is entitled "Cliche Touristy London Stuff"  Here are some adorable red phone booths...those Brits are so cheeky!

Apparently this wedding is kind of a big deal.

Buckingham Palace.  Important things happen here.



The Queen Victoria Memorial.  The golden figure is the statue of Victory.  Or as Charlie Sheen would say, "winning."



I feel like those huge hats greatly interfere with one's field of vision...which is kind of important when you're carrying a huge gun.

Westminster Abbey.  That's where that important wedding will be taking place in a couple weeks.

Oh, a double whammy of touristy sights!  Backside of a doubledecker bus and Big Ben (the one that doesn't get boozed up and take advantage of college girls in bar bathrooms)

Believe the hype...this is a killer public transportation system

I peed here

I would like to meet the graphic designer who created this because that person is a genius.

St. Paul's Cathedral

Picture in picture

The Tower Bridge.  It's famous.

Maximus Headicus in front of the Tower Bridge.

So after all of that London goodness, it was time to set sail for the Greek islands, a.k.a. heaven on earth.  After landing in Athens, I opted to go directly from the airport to Pireaus port and hop on an 8-hour ferry to Santorini.  It was a solid choice as Santorini quickly moved into the running of my favorite spot ever.  It was everything I pictured it to be and then some.  Basically like living in a postcard.  The people are nice and friendly, the food is fresh and tasty and the scenery can't be beat.  Within 6 hours of being there I had already gotten stuck behind a horde of donkeys, eaten an authentic lamb gyro, drank Ouzo at a local pub, and witnessed one of the best sunsets of my life.  So that was pretty awesome.  The rest of my time in Santorini was spent exploring by foot and ATV, hanging with my new Dutch pals, and basically just soaking up the magnificent scenery.  Check it aht:

Oh hello



If you're a fan of exploring and getting lost, then Santorini is the place for you.  Cobblestone streets lined with coffee shops, seaside terraces and donkey poo.  What more could you ask for?



Pretty standard really

The dude I rented this from assured me that this was the only black ATV on the island.  I don't know why that would be considered a selling point, but whatever, it was bad ass.

The Red Beach.  It's clothing optional so if you look really closely you can probably see some hairy naked Greek dudes sunbathing off to the right.  You're welcome.

This is what an idiot in a helmet looks like.  Safety first, kids.

Just another "I'm living in a post card" type of scenes.

This is what I look like right after I drive down a windy dirt road and discover my very own private beach that comes equipped with lounge chairs.  Schwing!

Dome sweet dome 

Sunset in the town of Oia.  That big mess of people was a big group of high school kids who I guess were there on some kind of school trip.  They were armed with air horns and basically the most annoying people ever.

In case you forgot, I really like sunsets.

Local graffiti depicting an ass on grass. 

If you want to make a lot of money in Santorini just produce mass quantities of white and blue paint and you'll be all set.

Topless AND missing an arm?  This chick must have had one too many shots of Ouzo.

Sick nasty.

Cats are everywhere you turn in Santorini.  Smart kitties.

This is nice

This is a sign that Greek people love the Pens and that Sid the Kid will indeed skate again at some point this year.

So basically life has been really freakin sweet as of late.  I think Europe and I have a pretty solid thing going right now so I'm excited to see what else she has in store for me.  Couple more days in Greece then it's off to Italia for a hot minute before venturing to the land of Croats for the long awaited Wright family reunion.  I'm pretty sure they're just meeting up with me so they can get their picture in this blog, but I'm ok with that.

Pretty sure that's all I got for you right now.  Keep on fightin the good fight and GO PENS!